I Don't Care
by yoaifanatic22
Summary: Merlin is getting tired of everything. Tired of hiding his magic, tired of being so bloody helpful, tired of caring, tired of living. Can Arthur and the knights help him before his lack of caring gets him killed? MERTHUR SLASH!
1. Chapter 1

_Something is wrong with Merlin._

_It was obvious to anyone who truly knew the boy. Gaius was the first to notice, then Arthur, then Gwen then the knights. _

_The usually happy and optimistic servant was now dull and practically lifeless. It appeared he had just stopped caring about everything._

_He didn't even try to tease Arthur, he stopped offering to help gather herbs for Gaius, he stopped being friendly with the knights, and he barely spoke with Gwen._

_He was still civil of course, not rude at all. That was another thing; he stopped insulting Arthur and making his trademark witty comebacks. Arthur hadn't been called a clotpole in ages._

_To anyone else he was just being a normal servant; talking when spoken to, getting his work done then going home._

_Everyone was getting worried about him so they had all decided they needed to talk to him because when they asked individually he had simply brushed them off saying he was fine or that it was none of their concern._

_That's why they were all in the armory. Arthur, Gaius, Lancelot, Gwaine, Percival, Leon, Elyan, and Gwen were all staring at Merlin who was focusing on polishing Arthur's sword._

'_Merlin.' Arthur spoke, realizing that the servant was not going to acknowledge them._

'_Yes Sire.' Merlin said, not looking up._

'_Merlin, we are worried about you mate.' Gwaine said._

'_No need to worry, I'm fine I can assure you.' Merlin dismissed._

'_Clearly you're not.' Leon said._

'_We want to know what's bothering you Merlin.' Gwen added, her brother nodding in agreement._

_Merlin chuckled darkly at this._

'_You want to know what's bothering me.' Merlin repeated in a dark amusement. _

'_Yes, we want to help you.' Gaius said._

_Merlin looked up at last looking at Gaius._

'_Oh Gaius, you have helped me, you have helped me so much. To be honest you are one of the only two reasons I'm still in Camelot.' Merlin said with a slightly scary smile._

_Everyone gasped at this, they didn't know Merlin had any desire to leave Camelot, or that he only stayed for two reasons._

'_Merlin, please tell us what is it that bothers you so much you wish to leave.' Lancelot asked._

'_Like I said; nothing, absolutely nothing bothers me anymore. I'm too tired to be bothered with anything. I just don't care about anything anymore, caring takes so much energy.' Merlin said before going back to the sword._

'_What are you saying?' Percival asked._

'_I'm saying…that I don't care. I don't care that all of you are all so worried about me, I don't even care about the secrets I have been keeping from all of you all these years, I stopped caring about myself ages ago.' Merlin said._

'_Merlin.' Gaius said warningly._

'_Gaius, I don't care what happens to me if they know.' Merlin said._

'_Know what?' Arthur asked looking between Merlin and Gaius._

'_This.' Merlin said before his eyes turned gold making the doors to the armory close and locked._

_Arthur and the knights had their swords out in seconds as they faced the door._

'_Who did that?!' Arthur demanded._

'_I did.' Merlin said boredly._

_Once again all eyes were on Merlin and this time he looked back at them._

'_Shocked?' Merlin asked._

'_You have magic?' Gwaine asked._

'_Since I was born, now arrest me. I'm so tired of living like this, maybe death is better.' Merlin said before putting his hands behind his back. _

Merlin awoke with a gasp, covered in sweat.

'Dammit, again.' Merlin sighed as he wiped his forehead.

He's been having dreams like this for two weeks now. Dreams were he just exposes his magic, dreams where he was just so tired of hiding his magic. At least he woke up before Arthur had him executed…this time. Some nights he saw his beheading or hanging or even his burning.

He looked out his window and saw he needed to get up in about an hour anyway so he got out of bed and dressed for the day. Once he was dressed he still had time so he looked through his magic book.

He had been looking for a spell that maybe was put on him to cause these dreams, but he found no such spell. The idea that it was really just him dreaming these things scared Merlin, so he kept looking.

When the sun began rising Merlin closed the book and left his room, he saw Gaius putting two bowls of porridge on the table.

'Merlin, you're up early again. Are your nightmares still bothering you?' Gaius asked as his ward sat at the table.

'Yes, I have been searching in my book and I can't find any spell that causes these types of dreams.' Merlin sighed as he began eating.

'Maybe it isn't a curse, maybe it's like the case with Morgana. You may be a seer.' Gaius suggested.

'I looked into that, didn't check out, I'm too old to only just now begin having visions, plus though my dreams are similar they are not the same, seers tend to re-dream the same dream until it happens.' Merlin said.

They finished breakfast in a comfortable silence as they always did.

Once he was done eating Merlin headed to the kitchen and got Arthur's breakfast and took it to Arthur's room. Before he opened the door he took a deep breath and reminded himself that he was going to be energetic today, because he cared. He didn't want to stop caring.

When he opened the door his forced smile fell from his face.

Like always Arthur was in his bed, fast asleep, but he wasn't alone. There was a woman sleeping next to him, more importantly the two of them were both naked. It didn't take a genius to figure what had happened between the two of them.

Merlin couldn't tell anyone why the sight made his blood boil, but it did.

So he sat the tray on the table, making a loud banging noise that made the woman and Arthur jump awake. Then he moved to the curtains and opened them, letting the bright sunshine hit the couple in the bed.

'Rise and shine.' Merlin grumbled as he heard Arthur and his nameless bedmate groan about the light.

'Merlin, what the bloody hell are you doing?' Arthur grunted while rubbing his eyes.

'Waking you up.' Merlin answered.

'Merlin this is Megan.' Arthur introduced the woman.

'I don't care.' Merlin said before he could catch himself.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been two weeks since Merlin saw Arthur with his concubine Megan, and Merlin's blood was still boiling.

He'd go in to give Arthur his breakfast and even though he saw that Arthur was sleeping alone he still remembered seeing her in his bed.

On top of his new and irrational anger towards Arthur, Merlin was still having nightmares and they were getting worse.

He was starting to avoid sleeping all together. He'd do chores for Gaius and do the chores he knew Arthur would give him tomorrow.

In the wee hours of the morning Merlin was polishing armor in his room. He hadn't been using magic to do his chores like he used to, in fact he rarely used his magic anymore.

Merlin was always sleepy and tired, which meant he was always grumpy, angry and on edge. He was snappy with everyone, but mostly Arthur.

'Merlin!'

The servant looked up and remembered he was in the middle of a feast and he was supposed to keep Arthur's cup from running dry.

'Sorry, Sire.' Merlin apologized as he filled the cup with wine.

Merlin went back to his place behind Arthur and leaned against the wall and sighed. He had once again stayed up all night. Going so long with so little sleep was starting to catch up to him, just as Gaius had warned him it would.

Merlin didn't know when he had dozed off but next thing he knew he was being woken up by Gwen shaking him awake.

'Merlin, are you alright?' Gwen asked worriedly.

'Yes, yes I'm fine I'm just a bit tired. How long was I out?' Merlin asked.

'Not long, Arthur's cup is still full.' Gwen answered, pointing to the king who was currently too busy talking with his knights to be drinking.

'Good.' Merlin sighed in relief.

'Gaius told me that you haven't been sleeping well, why not?' Gwen asked.

'It's none your concern really, just have been having a few nightmares.' Merlin dismissed.

'Merlin, you're the physician's ward and assistant, you should know that not sleeping isn't healthy.' Gwen teased.

'I know, I just don't care, these bloody dreams, I'd rather never sleep again.' Merlin said, looking off into space.

Gwen didn't know what to say to that. Sure Merlin had those rare moments when he got serious and she had no idea what he was talking about, but this was different. The look in Merlin's eyes wasn't the only serious, but it was also dark. Like hidden behind his blue pupils there was a mad man on a rusty chain.

'Merlin, what are your nightmares about?' Gwen asked carefully.

'I can't tell you Gwen, I'm sorry.' Merlin apologized.

'I understand, everyone has their secrets, I still think you should try to get some sleep though. I can take care of Arthur, you go rest a little.' Gwen said.

'Really Guinevere, I'm quite alright.' Merlin said sleepily.

'Merlin, I wasn't asking, you're about to fall over.' Gwen smiled.

Merlin couldn't deny that he was on the verge of passing out, he was surprised no one at the feast had noticed, by no one he meant Arthur.

Merlin looked over at his master and saw why he hadn't noticed his ailments.

Megan had appeared out of nowhere and was currently in Arthur's lap. Merlin is sure that if Arthur was sober he wouldn't allow her to act such away with so many nobles present, but Arthur was drunk so he let his hands wander.

'You know what; I'll take you up on that offer. I'd rather have horrific dreams than watch that prat and his bedmate.' Merlin said as he handed Gwen his jug of wine and left.

Merlin collapsed the second he saw his cot.

_Merlin had just finished writing a letter to Gaius and was putting on his desk for the physician to find after he was gone._

_For good._

_Merlin made his way to Arthur's chambers and passed many of his friends on the way, but he spoke to none of them. When he finally made it he didn't bother knocking, he just barged in and found Arthur at his desk._

'_I do hope you have a good reason for barging into my chambers.' Arthur said not looking up from his documents._

_Merlin didn't answer him instead he whispered a quick spell that sent Arthur across the room and into the wall._

'_What type of magic is this?!' Arthur yelled in shock and anger._

_Again Merlin didn't give Arthur instead he walked over to the immobilized king and stopped within inches of him._

'_The same kind of magic that has saved your life more times than I can count.' Merlin said before closing the distance between them, kissing Arthur deeply._

_Merlin could tell that Arthur's eyes had widened but he didn't care, he just kept kissing him. He was however shocked when Arthur began to kiss back. Merlin licked his king's bottom licked and was particularly happy when Arthur opened his mouth._

_They kissed until Merlin was sure that his lungs would collapse from lack of oxygen or he'd faint from being so light headed._

_Merlin pulled back and couldn't help but smile when Arthur whimpered a bit as he tried to follow his lips._

_For a minute they both just stared at each other catching their breath, once they had composed themselves Merlin pressed their foreheads together._

'_I've been wanting to tell you for years Arthur, for years.' Merlin said._

'_What? That you're a bloody sorcerer, or you fancy me?' Arthur asked, showing no emotion whatsoever._

Merlin woke up covered in sweat and with his heart in his throat, he chose to ignore the tightness in his pants.

What the hell was that? What the bloody hell was that?!

The other dreams were awful and terrifying, but this dream scared the warlock more than any of the others ever had.

'Arthur? Why did I dream about _Arthur? _It couldn't have been Gwen or even one of the knights, it had to be that prat.' Merlin groaned.


End file.
